Indeed, within just the past two weeks, I've been getting quite a fair number of responses from various production I've contacted: most amount to the expected 'thanks but not now' or 'we're too busy' bits which is completely understandable, though thankfully, I've gotten a rather bountiful trove from one Birmingham based house (who did I won't give away because confidentiality), but wrote this after having evaluated V.S.T's pilot and series bible. I feel it important to put up not just for archival purposes but also to show others working on their own series' where I hit and where I missed:
Dear Abel
Thanks for sending in your series
bible for ‘Very Strange Things’ and thank you also for being patient in
waiting for a response.
In short I liked the relationship
between Dan, Risa and Heidi and thought the premise was full of
adventure and appeal for a young audience.
I have to be honest before I go any
further and say that I think the format and scope of the production is a
little beyond what we can comfortably accommodate here at Second Home.
That said, I’d like to impart some thoughts on the bible.
The sample script was pacy and had
lots to pull you in and keep reading. The scope of seasons 1-3 sees
some dramatic character change and conflict developing. when you
mentioned about your sketches at the beginning, I was hoping to see some
visual accompaniment to the proposal. I’d also consider changing the
name. Given the epic scope and drama, ‘Very Strange Things’ seems a bit
too weak a title to stamp this with. I’d suggest ‘Section 29 or
something which includes ‘Bureau’ in the title. The one USP I think it
has going for it is all the historical reference.
If you look at
something like ‘Go Jetters’ (pre-school I know) there’s an obvious
geography lesson being told under the guise of disco lights and
colourful antics! I think there’s something similar here in terms of
dealing with historical events. It’s also not enough to say that this is
an ‘adventure series for all ages’. If you want broadcasters to take
you seriously then know your audience, be bold and name an age bracket.
If a show then spills across age boundaries once on air, then so much
the better. It also didn’t become clear to me initially about the
obvious time-travelling aspect to this until I started reading the
episode synopses. Mention this in your introduction as a selling point,
rather than ‘who combat all sorts of bizarre villains and phenomena’.
If
you’re able to work up some visual designs/concepts to accompany this
then great. Even in a rough form, they can be passed to a more
experience concept artist for more detailed rendering.
I hope that proves constructive. And generally I liked it a lot. Keep going, you’ve got something in there.
Kind regards etc. etc.
That's probably the most thorough critique of my work I've received in.... oooh, a fair while. Naturally, I intend to mediate and see how I can work in this person's suggestion and keep on refining my material. Except the time travel bit. Don't know where that came from...
